Out of Darkness....

I had this big, long blog post written up. I just deleted it. I will summarize for you. I am struggling. I am fighting a darkness and a sadness that I never imagined would exist after being told my heart is better. I have felt supported and loved by only a very small fraction of those who have claimed to care. I am sad. I am depressed. There. I said it. Many people have made comments to me that I must be so happy now that I am "all better." Guess what? I am not. My emotions are a mess, although I have been hiding it from nearly everyone but my hubby. I am doing all I can to fight the "this is way more than baby blues" blues, however, this is not leaving. Not soon enough for me, anyway.

Many people assume I am fine, because my heart has been mended. Physically it has been mended, but it is still healing. The problems did not suddenly cease because the procedure went well. I still have had dizzy spells. I still have had chest pain. I am still exhausted. It is less, but it is still there, as my heart tries to become what it needs to be.

I told you from Day One I was going to be real, so here it is: I want out of this darkness. I want to be in the light. I ask for your prayers, positive vibes, juju, and any other good feelings you can send my way. The one way I know how to get through any trial is with a lot of love. I am reaching out to you, asking for that love now. I need it.

My name is Jenny McKinney. I am sad and it really is too early for chocolate.