Living for the Future

Note: The following is a sacred experience that is precious to me, but I feel prompted to share this day. Please do not comment anything negative or mocking to my personal beliefs.

It has been quite a journey- finding my place after my heart was mended. More than I ever imagined, I have struggled in ways I was not prepared for. Yesterday brought a sweet experience to this hurting soul. In my religion, we believe in the laying on of hands, as Christ did in the Bible. It was a few months ago that my bishop (the minister of our local congregation) used this ordinance to relay a beautiful message and blessing from my Heavenly Father. I felt so much peace and knew that my life had been spared for a purpose. Yet, I still struggled. My faith was not great enough to fully accept those promises in that moment. I still battled this unseen force that seem to want me to be lost in a world of darkness. Yesterday, that changed.

I attended an ordinance session at our area temple seeking peace as my beloved aunt was preparing to pass away to the heavens, and searching for that strength that I knew I had somewhere inside. After having a beautiful experience involving my aunt's passing, I was then given a breath of renewed hope and strength for my own mortal journey. I did not realize how much the darkness had been plaguing me until I stepped into that sacred House of God and left the cares of the world behind. It was there that this message of love was shared- and finally accepted. In one moment, I felt the Spirit whisper to me, "Your life has been spared for a reason. Stop being afraid to live!"

So long had I been planning to leave this life that for all these months post-op I have been afraid to live again. No more! From this moment on, the darkness will no longer take hold of me! I will embrace life! I will seize the day! I will look for opportunities to teach others about CHD's, to share my gifts of music and service and most of all, to love my family and make memories with them as often as I can! THIS is the life I have been given to live! THIS is the time I have been given to live it!  THIS is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice in this day and be glad of it! (See Psalm 118:24)

My name is Jenny McKinney. I am grateful my life that I shall live and... I really do not want any
chocolate this morning. (I had some last night, though!) :)

That Weird Thing Again....

Dear God: 

I have not posted on here in quite some time. There is a reason for that... my heart is healthy!

Sometimes, I feel my heart doing that "weird thing again," as I tell DH. When he asks what it's doing, I smile and say, "Beating normally." It is still so foreign to me because for years all I could feel was the skipped heart beats, the palpitations, the A-Fib moments. Now, I do not pay attention because it is beating so strong and healthy! Once in a while, in a quiet moment, I really feel that healthy beat and once again, I am in awe of a God who lead the doctors to mending my broken heart. 

In a few days, I will reach my 9-month heart healthy anniversary. Three months from now, I will be hitting my year mark. I never thought I would go a whole year where I would not worry about collapsing, being out of breath just from sitting up, having a heart attack..... dying. Truth be told, I still do worry sometimes. What if this is not as real as I think it is? What if the doctors missed something? What if I relapse? 

Then, I remember that on August 12, 2013, God granted me a miracle. A real miracle!! I had people all over the world fasting and praying for me, for my heart to be whole, and He gave me that!! What does that say about my faith if I doubt? My heart is not just mended, it is WHOLE!!! For that, I am grateful and will celebrate my life everyday! 

Everyday, I am working on taking a few moments to listen to my heartbeat, for when I hear it beating strongly, I know that God is real. 

My name is Jenny McKinney. I am strong, I am whole. No chocolate is necessary to know that!