Long, Hard Road to Success

I'll admit- I have been struggling. REALLY struggling. After the last outside walk I did, the cold hurt my joints so badly that I have not been back outside, except to run errands. I have exercised indoors a couple of days, but not anything more. I know I am slacking. I know I need to push myself. I just .... I don't know. Life has suddenly felt very overwhelming. I have used the excuse that I hate treadmills and working out indoors, which I do. Yet, if it is my only option, then shouldn't I do it?

A few days ago, my two youngest children and I started a gluten-free lifestyle. This was decided on by me after a lot of monitoring of our bodies, research, and prayer. For now it is right for us. countless hours are spent everyday talking to people, researching recipes, and planning out meals.  In 6 weeks, we shall see if it needs to continue at such a drastic measure. I did not realize how much I love bread products until this change. I am tempted to go full Paleo, but not just yet. All of this has added to my overwhelmed state of mind right now. Gluten-free is a difficult change- especially when you have a picky 6-year-old and an 11-year-old with severe sensory issues and the textures bother him so much. I pray this GF lifestyle will be a quick adjustment, that we can pinpoint the needs of our family quickly, and that I can get back to not being so overwhelmed in my tasks at hand. The biggest task: getting fit in order to fun a marathon.

I told you from Day 1 that there will be total honesty here, right? That is why I am sharing this with you. I am struggling, but I am going to pick up the running shoes again and make this week really count! I know I need to get out there and exercise everyday. I know these kids are depending on me. I know I am going to feel better in the end. Until I get used to a regular routine, though, it is not going to happen. It does my heart, body, and mind good when I work towards greatness. Only I can make it happen. It is going to be a long, hard road to success. I know I can do this... even if it is one step, one day at a time.

My name is Jenny McKinney. I am going to make this week count and.... I am not really in the mood for chocolate.

New Year JOG!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Isn't it wonderful- to have a whole year to improve before the next one rolls around? Isn't it GREAT to have a whole new year to reach your potential? I LOVE having a new year!

Today, I did something I was not expecting to do just yet. For the first time in four years.... I jogged. I JOGGED!!! I was going up the incline and thought, "Why not? You've gotta try sometime!" So there I went- jogging! I remembered my jogging posture and went about 20 yards before I started walking again. WOW! That felt AMAZING! Because it felt so amazing, I decided to try it again! I walked about 30 yards, then started jogging again! I heard a vehicle approaching, so I looked to make sure I was not too close to its path when I heard, "You can do it! WOOO!!!" It was my HUSBAND! How cute is that?!?! I yelled at him,
     "I'm jogging! I'm jogging! I'm really doing it!" all while passing the mark I had set as my goal. As I jogged and he drove, we chatted.
     "How does it feel?" he asked with a big smile on his face.
     "It feels AMAZING!" I enthusiastically responded. Do you know what? It did feel great! I continued doing the walk/jog/walk/jog rhythm, paying close attention to how my heart area felt. I want to weep as I write this. For this first time in adulthood that I can recall, my heart did not hurt when I jogged! 

I cannot tell you how awe-inspiring it is to think that 6 months ago I was told my heart was failing and I needed a life-saving surgery and today I was jogging without any pain. God is so Good! He lead the medical team to save my life. He performed a miracle in me. How can I not continue on this path that He has placed me on? How can I not think of my little heart friends?

My name is Jenny McKinney. I am officially a jogger (runner?) and I do NOT want any chocolate, because I had too much last night! ;)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

    

Ready? Set? RACE!!

It's ON Like Donkey Kong! Haha! I love that phrase from high school! Last night I researched out and decided on the races I will be doing. Yep, races. Plural. Note: I am not racing. I am just referring to them as that. I will share the dates with you in a minute. First, I have to tell you about training today and to say thank you to my hubby who encouraged me with these words: I will support you in whatever way I can. Thanks for that, Babe. I love you!

I love my girl. She is an "almost seven" blue eyed cutie who adores her mama. (I'm so blessed!) This morning, Princess B decided she wants to do the race with me. I explained to her she may go walking with me whenever she wants, however she may not quite be ready for the race.
     "But I LOVE racing, Mom!" she exclaimed as she began jogging up the hill in her orange sweats, purple shoes, and metallic purple jacket.
     "I know you do! The race is just a bit farther than you think it is." We went ahead on our 20 minute walk up the hill, along the icy frontage road and began the descent towards our home when she started asking more questions about the race. She wanted to know how far it was. When I told her it was a LOT farther than the walk we were taking, she again told me, "That's ok. I like to race." A few minutes later, as we were nearing the bottom of the decline, she shared, "My legs are feeling a bit weird." I explained to her that it was probably because we walked farther than she is used to. I told her that she might want to wait until she was older to run in the race. After telling me she wished she was older so she could race with me, she finally admitted, "I don't think I want to run in the race. I'm tired." I then took the next few minutes to make sure she understood why I was running in the race.
     "I am not running to win, B."
     "But, Mom, if you win, you get prizes!"
     "Oh I know, but I do not need a prize. I am doing this to show Heavenly Father how grateful I am that he fixed my heart. I am also doing this because when my heart was sick, I could not have done it. Now that it is better, I can do this race. I am also doing to to show my former teacher honor and respect because she was so kind to me in my life. Mostly, I am doing this for all the Heart Hero friends that cannot run for themselves. These kids have hearts that do not work right and so I am running this race for them, since they cannot do it for themselves. Do you understand?"
     "Yes, but you get prizes if you win, Mom!"
     "Do you know what I want you to do? I want you to be at the finish line when I cross it (she gasps) with our Heart Hero friends (another gasp) and cheering me on yelling You did it, Mom! You did it!" (one more gasp)
     "I will be your we-ward, Mom!"
Sigh. I love being a mom. Yes, Princess B.... you certainly are my reward.

Races I am registering in:
May 3rd- 5K Fiesta in Sandy, UT
July 4th- Riverton Country Mile 10K in Riverton, UT

August 9th- Famous Fruit Way 1/2 Marathon in Ogden, UT
September 27th- Layton Marathon in Layton, UT

Anyone is welcome to join me! Oh and I took my measurements and weighed myself this morning. I even wrote down the info in my handy-dandy notebook. THAT is how serious I am!

My name is Jenny McKinney. I am serious about this and I really want some chocolate!

WHAT am I DOING?!?!

This evening, as I was preparing a high protein snack to eat before my 2nd walk of the day (In fact, my 2nd walk in this journey) I thought to myself, "WHAT am I DOING?!?! I can't run a marathon! I am only prepping for my second WALK, not RUN and I am feeling tired already. TWENTY-SIX point TWO MILES?!?! Am I KIDDING myself?!?!" Then, I felt the tears forming, took a deep breath, and recalled the words a heart mama friend told me today. "I will be standing proud [at the finish line] with many happy kids as they see that a true heart warrior can do anything. I am so excited and hope with all our help we can make it a larger then life event. Because that's how big your heart and determination is larger-than-life." After that recollection, God whispered to my soul,   
"Because this is what you need to be doing. You are doing it for these children, my children."
"But Father," I replied, "I am not a runner. My heart is barely better. How can I do all those miles?"
"You can do it, because I am going to help you," He gently responded. "Those kids need you to do this for them."

After my conversation with my Creator, I had my snack, put on my warm gear (27 degrees that felt like 18 when I went walking this evening), got the dog on her leash and hit the dark and icy-in-many-places road to do my evening walk. The good news is that I did it. The better news is that I could have gone longer had my dog not been dragging me unsafely on the ice. Yikes! The best news is, I know God is by my side every step of the way in this journey. There are friends and family cheering me on and helping me prepare with planning eating and exercise habits. There are Heart Warrior Mamas that have offered to run with me. There are Heart Hero Warriors to keep in mind and from them I am already feeling the love. Best of all, there is my loving Creator who will be there at the finish line with those young Heart Heroes, knowing that by proxy of my legs and healthy heart, they ran this marathon too.

My name is Jenny McKinney. I am happy to be a Heart Warrior and I... really want some chocolate! Oh! Hubby just brought me some!! YAY!

Heart Hero Marathon

I have done it. I have gone completely batty..... or at least that was eluded to in a conversation I had today. I have decided to train this upcoming year to... gulp... run... RUN.... (I do not run!).... a marathon!! Unlike so many athletes out there who are in no way crazy, what makes me a little odd is that I do not even run! I love the outdoors and I enjoy taking walks. I even have enjoyed playing sports over the years for fun, but I am in no way an "athlete" and in no way a "runner." So what made me decide to set this hard-to-achieve goal? The Heart Warrior kids, of course!!

A few months back, I joined the IHH group (Intermountain Healing Hearts). They are SO loving and accepting of heart families, even us adults with CHD we did not know about until mid 30's. I fall in love with the heart kiddos everyday as parents ask for prayers, share stories of triumphs and tell about their heart child gaining angels wings. It is a place of healing, of support, of love. Recently, Taylorsville High in Salt Lake City had a fundraiser for IHH. As a thank you to them, IHH put together this video of some of the Heart Hero Warriors in our Heart Family. I fell in love with them even more! I have been praying for guidance as to what I can do to show my love and appreciation to this marvelous group of friends. I have been asking God to guide me to know how I can take my now-healthy heart and use it to bring glory to Him. I know He wants me to teach others about these heart heroes. These thoughts joined other thoughts I have been having.

I want to DO something to celebrate my life! I want to DO something to say, "Hey! God has used His great power to do wonders through me. Pay attention to what He does with you!" I want to DO something so one day someone will say, "Remember that crazy woman who _____? That inspired me. I want to do something as well." Then, a few days ago, I can across some love notes from Cheryl Nelson, my beloved high school English teacher, who passed away in 2000 from lung cancer. She was a marathon runner and breast cancer survivor. She was also like another mother to me. She was one of the most single impacting people in my life. I miss her greatly. She is still inspiring me today.

The past few weeks, I have considered not writing on this blog anymore. After all, I need to simplify things in my life. Then I thought, "What if? What if someone out there, just one person, needs to hear more of my story? Ah, but what story do I have to tell? I have shared my heart story." So, I prayed some more. After watching that video, finding these love notes, reading an article about her passing, and praying again about what I can do to bring light and love to the Heart Warriors, I knew what I had to do. I had to commit to something- BIG- and follow through. I had to tell people- publicly- about it so I can be held accountable. And now, the commitment is made and I am going to do it- I am going to run a marathon!

Please note: I am NOT doing this to bring any form of glory to myself. I am doing this because I want to honor Cheryl Nelson who inspired me to do something great in my life. I am doing this because I want to do what those Heart Warriors- the Jace's, the Baylee's, the Christina's- may never be able to do for themselves. Mostly, I am doing this to do this to bring honor to God. He did heal me, after all. So let's do something to celebrate!

Join with me on my journey as I began getting in shape so I can start training. Today, I took my first 20 minute walk since my heart procedure this summer. That is 20 minutes more than I could walk two months ago! Yes, I know I have a LONG way to go, especially since I am not a runner, but I know with God by my side, and Heart Warriors cheering me on, I will do this!

My name is Jenny McKinney. I might just be crazy because I am going to run a marathon. Oh, and I really, really want some chocolate, but will pass for now. ;)

A Blessed Christmas

Merry Christmas, Everyone!

It has been a long, busy month as our family has moved our belongings down from Idaho and I have spent every waking moment working hard to get our home settled. All of that while preparing for Christmas has made it a busy month for sure. Alas, I have not forgotten about you, my dear friends. I do apologize for neglecting my duties here. Life can go on, but most importantly, today we can bow on bended knee to our Lord and King, and honor Him this Christmas Day.

About three weeks ago, I found myself driving late at night on the freeway. The song "Christmas Shoes" came on the radio. Do you know it? It made me weep- not a wise thing to do when you are driving on dark, icy roads. However, this song has a special place in my.... um.... heart. For those of you who know it, I assume you can make the connection. For those of you not familiar, watch the video and you will understand why. The song, based off a book, was later turned into a movie. It was the first time in a long time I could hear this song and say, "This is no longer about me." My heart aches for the heart parents and patients that will not all have a miracle brought to them this year. My heart rejoices in a God who granted me mine and now I must get to work finding out what I am to do with this miracle.

Without being consciously aware, a few years ago I began collecting movies about a mom with a heart condition which takes her life. I collect them because I love the acting or am touched by the story, but the irony has not left me. When I have needed a good cry, I watch one of these movies. For the last year, I have not been able to watch any of them, until now. Last week, I was able to sit down and watch Christmas Shoes with a whole new outlook. I am not dying. I am going to live and in that, I must rejoice!! 




One last thing I feel I need to share this Christmas morning. (By the way, we opened our gifts before today so I have time to write to you now!) The kindness of others is astounding!! Because of the medical debt from my heart procedure and the cost of us moving this year, our children were going to have a very small, if at all, Christmas. Surprisingly, our month has been bombarded with gifts, piggy banks and love galore to make this an unbelievable Christmas for my children. Our family has been so blessed! Everyday, we have prayed prayers of gratitude for you, our secret Christmas Angels. Time and time again, I had been told that "blessings will come to those who are faithful" and a few weeks ago, I told God "I am ready for those blessings now." Like buckets of rain being poured form the heavens, those blessings have come! It is not about money, or gifts, it is about you seeing us, our Christmas Angels. It is about you loving in a way only Christ could do. You have given in a way Divinely inspired. We are awed. We are humbled. We are grateful. We thank you.

Merry Christmas, my friends. May the God of Love and Light reign in your life this day and always. May you feel His presence near as you reach out to others. May you have a blessed Christmas Day.

My name is Jenny McKinney and I am wishing you a very Merry and Beloved Christmas.

Joy and Green Hearts

It is a day of overwhelming emotion. I am not sure if I should share, because I might burst into a million little butterflies and rainbows, the news is so great. Here's how it all played out.

Yesterday, as some of you read on my Facebook page, I was at a loss as to what to give my heart surgeon when I saw him today. The man did save my life, after all. How do you repay that? With cookies, of course! What kind of cookies? After an hour of researching options with the ingredients I had on hand, I went with heart-shaped sugar cookies. Appropriate, right? Since our belongings are still in storage for another few days, I am mixing everything by hand.... even the frosting. How my grandmother's did this on a regular basis, I have no idea, because mixing by hand is NOT an easy task. With my rolling pin being packed in the never ending abyss of hidden kitchen items, I thought I would do something fancy with the dough. First, I rolled it out into a log, determined to fashion the dough into a heart shape, then slicing each cookie of, similar to the dough-boy recipes we see on television and in stores. When that failed- tremendously- I decided to pinch off snippets of dough, roll them into balls, then flatten them with my Dollar Tree Cutting board. It is about 5"x8" so smoosh I did! I then took a little plastic knife and trimmed the circle into a heart. Perfect. That should work... or so I thought... until they came out of the oven looking a little... biscuit-like. Ah well! Once the frosting was on it, then it would be fine, right? Um, wrong.

The frosting was also made by hand and with.... dare I say... a shortening base. Now, I am a pretty good "throw it in the bowl and see how yummy it turns out" sort of chef and I am happy to say I can make a pretty great cookie without a recipe. (I did used one for these.) I have made frosting dozens of times and know how to make it so delicious you want to just eat it on a graham cracker, or a spoon. Using shortening for a base? Not so delish. Of course, I put green food coloring in it to represent new life..... and because I was out of red. The frosting tasted ok when I sampled it. The kids did not seem to complain when they had a taste of frosted cookie. However, when I went to sample one to make sure my beautiful, two-hour long cookie making event turned out tastily, I could not believe it! The cookies tasted like.... biscuits with shortening-based frosting on them! GREEN HEARTS? What was I thinking?!?! There was the problem! I messed with the pink hearts. Should not have done that! Needless to say, I decided NOT to give my doc the cookies. If he tasted them, it would have been like I was saying, "Thanks for all you did, but...." instead of saying, "THANK YOU for saving my life!"

(Looks can be deceiving)

After I finally decided on a gift to give him (printed lyrics in a frame and a thank you note), I prepared for the appointment this morning with much prayer and a lot of deep breaths. I have been avoiding it for some time. I admit, I have been a bit afraid of what he would say. When I finally saw him after seeing the MA then PA, things were better than I could have ever imagined.

Dr. B talked about the details of going into my heart. He shared how he went in looking for specific things such as scar tissue where my heart is enlarged, as well as more trouble than the faulty circuit. Instead, what they found was only the faulty circuit! Once that problem was fixed, he of course tested my heart, and it continued to behave in a healthy manner. The ICD was not needed and today he confirmed as far as he can tell, it will never be. He told me, "Your heart is very healthy. It looks great!" He was pleasantly surprised that it is so healthy. Not only that, but I do not have to return of any check-ups, unless I feel something changing down the road, if I feel things reverting to the way they were before this procedure, which we do not expect to happen.

For the first time in 17 years, I have peace about my heart. For the first time in all of these years, I have been told that I am going to be fine, there are no more issues to be concerned with. Your heart is healthy. I never imagined hearing those words! What reason to rejoice!

I did give Dr. B the framed poem and card. I told him that I made cookies, but in order to protect him from their unpleasant nature, I did not bring them, something he laughingly appreciated. I also shared with him how there were people all around the world fasting and praying that day on my behalf and his as well. "Tell them thank you," he said. "We really appreciate the prayers and fasting." As my hubby and I left the room, I gave Dr. B a hug and thanked him again. We shared a mutual smile of relief and joy. We both know his hands were guided that day.

After years of testing, stress, endless prayers, nearly dying multiple times, and finally finding doctors to see this through to the end, today I have been declared "heart healthy." Thank you for your prayers.

My name is Jenny McKinney. I do not like green hearts, Sam-I-Am but I would really love some chocolate!

PS- Just as I finished writing this, one of my boys walked in the room and asked for a cookie. HA!