The Truth Shall Set You Free

It has been a quiet time for me on the computer these past few months as my laptop crashed and I do not get on the family computer for extended periods of time. It is so different from my own computer that I find myself not being as appreciative that we even have a nice computer. That gets my wheels turning, though. How often do we have something decent, lovely, useful, etc. and we do not appreciate it, because it is not what we wanted, nor what we planned on having? How often do we begrudge our life's journey because it is not the direction we planned on taking? How often do we allow ourselves to become bitter towards another, even God, because life has not worked out to our specifications? No more for me! It is the end of a year of Conquering Mountains and now onto a year of Renewed Hope.

Each year, I choose a phrase or word, instead of setting a bunch of New Years Resolutions I will never complete. As 2014 is winding down, and I look back, I see that I truly did Conquer Mountains. I look forward to 2015 with Renewed Hope- hope in my body getting stronger, hope in strengthening friendships and mending relationships, hope in being more proactive in my music, hope in other human beings also trying to do good in this world. The goals I set will be throughout the year with the theme "Renewed Hope" and that theme will be my motivation for becoming better.

Ready to run.... or walk

Back in September, I ran a 5K. I know... I did not write about it here, but lucky you, I will include pictures today. Last night, I had a long, continuous dream about my family spending time with my heart surgeon's family. In this dream, Jared (the first name of my doc) and I had a lengthy conversation about how my progress has been, and how difficult it has been on my emotions that family members do not believe in all I went through. He shared with me some insight that helped me feel peace this morning. He told me that I know what I went through, my husband and children know what I went through, he- my heart surgeon- knows what I went through, but most important, God knows what I went through. The rest does not matter, he shared. They choose to believe what they choose to believe. He said to me, "Jenny, I was inside your heart. I literally know what is in there! Your heart was damaged but God granted you a miracle and He healed it! That is what you need to share!" So, share I will!

I share this to all who care to read. I share this for those that might need a reminder that God loves you and that He is real. My heart was broken, and now it is healed. God did this for me!

When I was 20 years old and experiencing difficulties with my first pregnancy, I was diagnosed with arrhythmia. For the next 14 years, I was in and out of hospitals and doctors offices trying to find out why it was so bad I would pass out without notice, why it was so bad that I would go into A-Fib and V-Tac. What was causing this?! For two years, I was tired so I stopped going in for tests. All I was ever told was that something was wrong and they (the doctors) could not figure out what it was. Finally, with some gentle pushing, my loved ones convinced me to go in one more time to see a new doctor. My darling nurse friend went with me, explaining from a medical point of view how she had seen me pass out time and time again with no warning. She shared insight I was not even aware my body was doing! That was in early 2013.

Just finished!

In May 2013, I went through my last set of heart tests. I was lead to a heart specialist that told me she would keep digging until she found answers. (Side note: That first time I met her my heart rate was at 53 bpm and my blood pressure was about 84/42. She said I should not have been so conscious and talking. I told her it was the norm for me. Again- God did that! He kept me alive!) In June, our family moved to Utah from Idaho while I was still wearing my 30-day halter monitor. We moved because my husband and I had it confirmed to us through the Holy Ghost that I was going to die and we needed to be near family to help with the kids once I was gone.

Dr. L called me the following week with results. She had sought out a second opinion before she called me. It was... really bad and I needed heart surgery to save my life. I was diagnosed with a CHD- which means I was born with this condition. Wow! I was sent in to another specialist in Salt Lake for a third opinion, in which he agreed. "You should not even be alive," Dr. B told me. "You are at high risk for Sudden Cardiac Death. I cannot believe you have not had a massive heart attack or have dropped dead yet. You need surgery asap." Without it, I would die.

I was put on strict bed rest for the next five weeks. If my heart rate got up to 120, it would kill me. The day before my surgery was scheduled, I woke up to it racing at 110 bpm. For me, that was life-threatening. It would not have taken much more to send me into cardiac arrest.

Several days prior to surgery I started taking a micro-nutrient that actually changes DNA. I had amazing results.

On August 12, 2013 I went in for major heart surgery. That day, friends from all over the world were

My heart family

fasting for me and my doctors, many souls were praying as well. I had been given a priesthood blessing just before I went to the hospital. Hours later, when I finally went under the knife, a miracle had taken place. All of the problems that had been showing up on the tests were almost non-existent. My heart had almost completely been healed. The medical team mapped out my entire heart and was puzzled because it simply... was not there. All of the detailed, life-threatening issues were mostly... gone. I came out of surgery with a minor procedure instead of a major surgery. I was told I am going to be just fine.

Behind closed doors, my doctor and I say "miracle" but on paper, my diagnosis was actually changed. It truly is a miracle!!

I am healthy. I am starting to get my energy back, and I look forward to living out a long, full life. God did this. He granted my family a miracle. There is no other way to explain it. He worked through fasting, prayer, blessings, and proper nutrition to heal my body. This, I can never deny, for if I do, I would be denying the truth of my God. That, I can never do.

With this post comes the end of this blog. My life's journey has just begun and my heart is healthy and happy. I will spend the new year focusing on sharing my story (in depth) along with my music and doing motivational speaking. Thank you for sharing in this journey with me. It has been a thrill. You are lovely and good and oh, so LOVED by God!! May He always keep you in His ever-lasting care.

My name is Jenny McKinney. I am a walking miracle. I am a survivor. Like always.... I really want some chocolate.

Shake Your Booty

A couple of years ago, I was lying in bed, having a terrible time with my heart. My little girl - then 5 - cuddled with me and wanted to understand what it was doing. Saying a quick prayer that I would know how to answer her without scaring her, her young brain and old soul would grasp things I could not even comprehend yet. Inspired, I walked, ran, danced, my fingers along the blanket and explained, "Sometimes my heart walks; sometimes it runs, sometimes it dances. Sometimes it tries to do all at the same time. Sometimes when it is supposed to be walking it runs, then dances, then walks. Sometimes when it is supposed to run, it walks dances, stops to shake its booty, then walks again, shakes its booty, dances, jumps, flips, shakes its booty, because my heart cannot make up its mind!" By that point we were laughing so hard, tears were coming down our cheeks. It especially lifted me spirits when Princess B got up and pretended to be my heart, acting out what my hand just did. Talk about adorable! How grateful I am that she was able to join our family before my heart prevented me from bringing her into this world.

We had a lot of fun being silly as we talked about all the things my heart was trying to do. This video would have been most helpful to teach her about heart rhythms. It is not meant to offend, but hopefully be a tool and bring a little smile to your face as these doctors use their bodies to explain a few rhythms.

Life is so serious so much of the time. Yet often, in the midst of the trials, there is so much joy to be found, if only we are open to receiving it. I hope the video brings you a little joy.

My name is Jenny McKinney. I used to have a funny heart rhythm. Now I just have funny cravings for chocolate.

Post by Ólína Björg.

Joy and Green Hearts

It is a day of overwhelming emotion. I am not sure if I should share, because I might burst into a million little butterflies and rainbows, the news is so great. Here's how it all played out.

Yesterday, as some of you read on my Facebook page, I was at a loss as to what to give my heart surgeon when I saw him today. The man did save my life, after all. How do you repay that? With cookies, of course! What kind of cookies? After an hour of researching options with the ingredients I had on hand, I went with heart-shaped sugar cookies. Appropriate, right? Since our belongings are still in storage for another few days, I am mixing everything by hand.... even the frosting. How my grandmother's did this on a regular basis, I have no idea, because mixing by hand is NOT an easy task. With my rolling pin being packed in the never ending abyss of hidden kitchen items, I thought I would do something fancy with the dough. First, I rolled it out into a log, determined to fashion the dough into a heart shape, then slicing each cookie of, similar to the dough-boy recipes we see on television and in stores. When that failed- tremendously- I decided to pinch off snippets of dough, roll them into balls, then flatten them with my Dollar Tree Cutting board. It is about 5"x8" so smoosh I did! I then took a little plastic knife and trimmed the circle into a heart. Perfect. That should work... or so I thought... until they came out of the oven looking a little... biscuit-like. Ah well! Once the frosting was on it, then it would be fine, right? Um, wrong.

The frosting was also made by hand and with.... dare I say... a shortening base. Now, I am a pretty good "throw it in the bowl and see how yummy it turns out" sort of chef and I am happy to say I can make a pretty great cookie without a recipe. (I did used one for these.) I have made frosting dozens of times and know how to make it so delicious you want to just eat it on a graham cracker, or a spoon. Using shortening for a base? Not so delish. Of course, I put green food coloring in it to represent new life..... and because I was out of red. The frosting tasted ok when I sampled it. The kids did not seem to complain when they had a taste of frosted cookie. However, when I went to sample one to make sure my beautiful, two-hour long cookie making event turned out tastily, I could not believe it! The cookies tasted like.... biscuits with shortening-based frosting on them! GREEN HEARTS? What was I thinking?!?! There was the problem! I messed with the pink hearts. Should not have done that! Needless to say, I decided NOT to give my doc the cookies. If he tasted them, it would have been like I was saying, "Thanks for all you did, but...." instead of saying, "THANK YOU for saving my life!"

(Looks can be deceiving)

After I finally decided on a gift to give him (printed lyrics in a frame and a thank you note), I prepared for the appointment this morning with much prayer and a lot of deep breaths. I have been avoiding it for some time. I admit, I have been a bit afraid of what he would say. When I finally saw him after seeing the MA then PA, things were better than I could have ever imagined.

Dr. B talked about the details of going into my heart. He shared how he went in looking for specific things such as scar tissue where my heart is enlarged, as well as more trouble than the faulty circuit. Instead, what they found was only the faulty circuit! Once that problem was fixed, he of course tested my heart, and it continued to behave in a healthy manner. The ICD was not needed and today he confirmed as far as he can tell, it will never be. He told me, "Your heart is very healthy. It looks great!" He was pleasantly surprised that it is so healthy. Not only that, but I do not have to return of any check-ups, unless I feel something changing down the road, if I feel things reverting to the way they were before this procedure, which we do not expect to happen.

For the first time in 17 years, I have peace about my heart. For the first time in all of these years, I have been told that I am going to be fine, there are no more issues to be concerned with. Your heart is healthy. I never imagined hearing those words! What reason to rejoice!

I did give Dr. B the framed poem and card. I told him that I made cookies, but in order to protect him from their unpleasant nature, I did not bring them, something he laughingly appreciated. I also shared with him how there were people all around the world fasting and praying that day on my behalf and his as well. "Tell them thank you," he said. "We really appreciate the prayers and fasting." As my hubby and I left the room, I gave Dr. B a hug and thanked him again. We shared a mutual smile of relief and joy. We both know his hands were guided that day.

After years of testing, stress, endless prayers, nearly dying multiple times, and finally finding doctors to see this through to the end, today I have been declared "heart healthy." Thank you for your prayers.

My name is Jenny McKinney. I do not like green hearts, Sam-I-Am but I would really love some chocolate!

PS- Just as I finished writing this, one of my boys walked in the room and asked for a cookie. HA!

Undeniably Blessed

Do not try to convince me otherwise..... I KNOW without a doubt that I am blessed. Three months ago today, I wrote about getting ready to head into surgery. Two days later, I wrote the first part of my heart miracle. Today, I sit here in awe as I realize it was three months ago today that I received my miracle. Three months! How is it that three months ago, I was dying and today, I live?

I have been recapping the events leading up to that day in the hospital where my miracle was granted. What the world could not see was that day after day, I was laying on the couch at my folks house, unable to do anything but rest for hours on end. I would fix meals, if I had a bit of energy, but I usually required a LOT of assistance from my children or husband in order to do so. I remember more than once where my mom came in from work, took one look at me laying there, and her eyes began to swell with tears.
     "What's wrong, Mom?" I would ask her.
     "You are just so.... sick," she would sadly reply.

I supposed I never really saw it, until then. I really was sick. It seemed that once I got the diagnosis back in June, after more than a dozen years of doctors running tests, my body decided it was ok to be sick. It was ok to be in pain, to faint, to have such severe fatigue, I could hardly function most days. That diagnosis validated everything I thought I had been imagining all those years that I pushed through the pain. My heart was enlarged. My circuits were going crazy. My heart was working way too hard to function properly. That diagnosis was permission to rest, because if I did not rest, then I would die.

It had been my life for more than 5 years, I told her. This was "normal" for me. She has been at my father's side for many years with his failing heart. She knows the signs. I was dying. It was hard for some to see, because I would still go to church or other activities. What they did not see is that when I got home, I would collapse for hours afterwards. Sure, I would go grocery shopping for 30 minutes, then I would spend the next three hours recovering from that outing. For the most part, my life came to a halt. My bedtime went from 10pm, to 9 pm, and eventually worked its way down to 6 pm. Often, I would make sure someone was overseeing dinner, climb into my pajamas (if I got out of them that day) then go to bed, falling asleep long before my children dreamed with the angels. I was not allowed to go do anything strenuous, and even walking was only if someone was with me. Once I had my diagnosis, once we were in a place where I had help with my children, it was as if my mind gave permission to my body to really start feeling what was happening. My heart was failing me. It would take a major surgery to keep me alive. Without that surgery, tt would take a miracle to survive at all.

Three months ago, you fasted and prayed for me. Three months ago, the Spirit guided the hands of my heart surgeon. Three months ago, the problem was found, then corrected. Three months ago, the doctors tested my heart to go into cardiac arrest and it did not respond to the drugs- a great sign! Three months ago, I was told (although I have no recollection because I was so drugged up) that my heart was fixed, that I would never have to get the life saving device and that, with time and healing, I would be fine.

How am I able to be simply mortal, yet have this Divine understanding?
God uses us to fulfill His purposes. He has granted me the life I need to share my story, so that I can bring glory to Him. (It is taking all the control I have to not weep while I write this.) I know He is mindful of each of us. I know that my life has been spared for a purpose. He loves me. I am His greatest creation! He loves you. You are His greatest creation!

I do not need to know about the intricacies of how my heart works, because that is what the specialists are for. I just need to know I had a condition that was life-threatening and God, in all of His Glory, guided my team of doctors to correcting the electrical storm that was raging. The storm has been stilled. I am still tired. I am still healing, but I am ALIVE!! 

 My name is Jenny McKinney. I am so blessed. Want some chocolate? 

(Picture is "Peace, Be Still" by Simon Dewey.)

It Takes Time

"It takes time to recuperate."  This is a phrase I have been reminded of daily for the past week.  Today marks the one week anniversary of my procedure.  I truly thought I would be more recovered by now.  Yesterday, I made dinner for my family.  Today, I went shopping for about three hours and.... it just about did me in.  My heart has been racing and just an hour ago it was racing so badly I would have been dead, had I not gotten the procedure done.  A little concerned, I began doing research on post-ablation symptoms.  Once again, I have learned something new.

First, I read the list of risks in getting the procedure done.  Of course, the risk was much greater had I not (as in cardiac arrest) but let's say I am grateful that I did not read the list prior to going in.  Here is what I read:

Catheter ablation is considered safe.

It has some serious risks, but they are rare. They include:

• Stroke.
• Heart attack.
• Puncture of the heart.
• Need for emergency heart surgery.
• Problems with the pulmonary vein.
• A leaking blood vessel.
• Nerve damage that causes paralysis of the diaphragm.
• Pericarditis.
• Cardiac tamponade.
• Atrio-esophageal fistula. In this life-threatening condition, a hole forms between the heart's upper chamber and the esophagus.
• Bleeding.
• New heart rhythm problems.
• Death (very rare). 

WOWZAH!!  See why I am grateful I did not read it first?  Oy!!  Talk about scary.  I always laugh when they say "death" then add that is is very rare.  Hehe.  Well, good to know I only might die!! 

(It kind of reminds me when I have volunteered at the prisons in Boise, ID the past three years with my women's choir.  With the paperwork we sign, it has a list of guidelines.  The first is something along the lines of: I understand that by going into the prison, I am putting myself at risk for injury or being held hostage.  Haha!  No worries there!)

Back to what I have learned.  It is very normal, actually, to still feel like you are going into tachycardia, then it mellows off after a few minutes.  This is as a result of the adrenaline that was pumped into my body while I was under anesthesia.  My body is just trying to work it out of my system.  Weakness and pain around the heart is normal as well.  "Jenny!  They were inside your heart, burning it!  Of course it is going to hurt!"  This is what I have to keep reminding myself.... or my mother and hubby will.  Haha!  I just want to be 100% again.  I want it to be two months from now where my heart is back to  finally working how it should.  Patience.  I just need patience.  Haha!!  It takes time and I have time, so I will take it. 

The best advice I read from one person who has been through this is, "completely normal - your heart's been through trauma and it may take some time to heal - some of us depending on what was done; can take up to 6 months for it to completely heal and the full effects of an ablation to work
take it easy and let yourself heal and try not to be too anxious"

Oh.... take it easy??  Let myself heal?  Sigh.  All right.  I guess I will. 

My name is Jenny and I will heal.  I really do not want any chocolate..... because I just had some. 

This was taken the week of my diagnosis in June.  I had to wear a lot of makeup to even feel confident because I was so ill.  Notice the sallow look to my skin.

This was taken today. I have a new hair style, I feel confident wearing a lot less makeup and I am able to even keep my eyes open in the sun because I am feeling so much better!  Good health, here I come!  (By the way, that is my cute boy- age 14- in the background.)