The Light Will Come

My heart shall not weep for long with the kind of love I feel today from each of you. I am so humbled and so grateful for the dozens of comments, virtual hugs and love notes left on Facebook, on here and in my inbox. Thank you for allowing me to reach out to you. Thank you for reaching back and loving me, in spite of my imperfections. Thank you for the prayers, your concerns and the offers of chocolate.

This scripture passage from 1 Kings 3 really hits home today.
12 Behold, I have done according to thy words: lo, I have given thee a wise and an understanding heart; so that there was none like thee before thee, neither after thee shall any arise like unto thee.
14 And if thou wilt walk in my ways, to keep my statutes and my commandments, as thy father David did walk, then I will lengthen thy days.

There never has been another like me and there will never be another like me (or you). How cool is that? Each of us are so unique and different there will never be another in the world like you. There is even a passage about it in the scriptures, it is so important to understand this!

My days are lengthened for a reason! Yesterday, while at church, I was sitting in Sacrament Meeting and just could not keep my emotions in check. The opening song had words that hit to my core. Then, the gentleman who offered the invocation said something to the effect of, "Bless those with broken hearts that they may be healed through Thee." Oh boy! That did me in. Within a minute of that prayer, I was in the Ladies Room, sobbing up a storm. While I was locked in the stall, thankfully alone at the time, I stood and leaned against the door, weeping, praying and weeping some more. I finally asked God the one question I had not asked since my surgery: Why didn't you let me die? Oh the peace that overcame my soul in that moment, however brief. Because you still have a great work to do came the response. >deep breath<

Woah. Hold the phone. Still have? So, bringing four very incredible children into this world is not my great work? The musical about one of the greatest women ever, that I spent years working on, that hundreds have seen, is not my great work? The prison ministry I began is not my great work? What in the world is my great work?

Do you know what? Right now, that does not even matter. Right now, in my life, what matters is that I literally feel angels of Love and Light passing on your love to me and my aching soul. Right now, what matters is that I know I am not walking this alone. Others have gone through this same journey and they understand. That by itself is comforting. Truly. Right now, what matters is that I know the Lord is aware of my current struggle and He is not going to leave me alone to figure it out. He has sent an outpouring of love to get me through this so one day, I can accomplish my great work- whatever that may be.

Right now, for the first time in a very long time, I feel hope. Real hope. Nearly tangible. I feel hope that angels are attending me, and many of those angels I can "friend." I feel hope that I will be able to figure out what the Lord has in store for me, why He has allowed me to live a long life in good health. I feel hope that although I may have dark days ahead, the light will come. Thank you for that.

My name is Jenny McKinney. For the first time in (seemingly) forever, I feel hope and .... I am going to go have some chocolate. Hot chocolate. Because I really want some.