Many people assume I am fine, because my heart has been mended. Physically it has been mended, but it is still healing. The problems did not suddenly cease because the procedure went well. I still have had dizzy spells. I still have had chest pain. I am still exhausted. It is less, but it is still there, as my heart tries to become what it needs to be.
I told you from Day One I was going to be real, so here it is: I want out of this darkness. I want to be in the light. I ask for your prayers, positive vibes, juju, and any other good feelings you can send my way. The one way I know how to get through any trial is with a lot of love. I am reaching out to you, asking for that love now. I need it.
My name is Jenny McKinney. I am sad and it really is too early for chocolate.
So sorry to hear that things are improving so slowly. You are in our thoughts and prayers this evening.
ReplyDeleteOh, dear Jenny. My prayers are with you as you go through this trial. Remember, there has never been a rainstorm that didn't end. Though you can't see it, the light IS there. Love to you.
ReplyDeleteNever too early for chocolate sweet Jenny! Hot chocolate especially. I am here for you. I am sorry I haven't been more present as I have faced health challenges of my own but I know all too well of the darkness. You are right, healing doesn't happen over night. When I got my gallbladder out I was in pain for what seemed like a year afterward. I am not saying that will be the case with you just saying I understand.
ReplyDeleteNow with this whole brain tumor thing who knows how long healing will take. And that darkness I know is scary and at times feels like it is all encompassing and engulfing. I know you know this but He is there in the middle of it all. Listen to Elder Hollands talk again and again if you can. That has brought me so much hope and strength. And listen to Elder Nelson's talk on physical healing. I remember listening to that talk and it really hitting me. I had no idea what diagnosis was just around the corner.
I wish you lived here. I would bring you over ding dongs. Its all the chocolate I have in the house and since its Sunday you would be stuck with Ding Dongs.
I pray for you and I will add your name again to the Mesa temple. My phone isn't working today but tomorrow I am planning on taking it in if I feel up to it. I wish I could give you a better pep talk but something in my heart tells me that's simply not what you need. You need love. You need validation. You need to know that it will get better and it WILL get better!
I don't know why you have had to go through so much except to say I believe you mission in life is exceptional or your trials wouldn't be. You are AMAZING! I am proud of you for reaching out. Please email me if you need anything. I am here for you.
Also on the stress indicator meter thingy that I learned in my classes major events are listed. You have been through a lot of them. Extended periods of unemployment, ongoing health issues, moving, etc. Those things all pile up. Can you go to counseling right now through the church? It may not be a bad idea. You have had a lot of life changes. Even when its right, doesn't make it easy. Depression is real. Make sure you are getting enough vitamin D and also food rich in seratonin which is easy right now. Google those foods but its things like pumpkin, sweet potatoes, butternut squash, etc. I also use to take, and should now take something called Mind Trac (it's spelled like that and with the K missing drives me nuts). It a Dr Christopher's formula.Although I think they dropped the Dr part now. 5htp is helpful too and as much as I hate this eliminating or reducing sugar.
I love you and wish I could do more. You know I know what a lot of this feels like. I feel God is teaching me patience with this brain tumor and not to run faster than I have the strength to. Even though I think I can go a lot faster. My spirit can but my body can't. Its hard and super super painful but I am trying to look at it as a gift! Big hugs to you. Your body can't keep up with your spirit either. Love you so very very much! May today renew your soul and strengthen your spirit. I will keep praying for you!
I love you! Hold on...the light will come. :o)
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