The Truth Shall Set You Free

It has been a quiet time for me on the computer these past few months as my laptop crashed and I do not get on the family computer for extended periods of time. It is so different from my own computer that I find myself not being as appreciative that we even have a nice computer. That gets my wheels turning, though. How often do we have something decent, lovely, useful, etc. and we do not appreciate it, because it is not what we wanted, nor what we planned on having? How often do we begrudge our life's journey because it is not the direction we planned on taking? How often do we allow ourselves to become bitter towards another, even God, because life has not worked out to our specifications? No more for me! It is the end of a year of Conquering Mountains and now onto a year of Renewed Hope.

Each year, I choose a phrase or word, instead of setting a bunch of New Years Resolutions I will never complete. As 2014 is winding down, and I look back, I see that I truly did Conquer Mountains. I look forward to 2015 with Renewed Hope- hope in my body getting stronger, hope in strengthening friendships and mending relationships, hope in being more proactive in my music, hope in other human beings also trying to do good in this world. The goals I set will be throughout the year with the theme "Renewed Hope" and that theme will be my motivation for becoming better.

Ready to run.... or walk

Back in September, I ran a 5K. I know... I did not write about it here, but lucky you, I will include pictures today. Last night, I had a long, continuous dream about my family spending time with my heart surgeon's family. In this dream, Jared (the first name of my doc) and I had a lengthy conversation about how my progress has been, and how difficult it has been on my emotions that family members do not believe in all I went through. He shared with me some insight that helped me feel peace this morning. He told me that I know what I went through, my husband and children know what I went through, he- my heart surgeon- knows what I went through, but most important, God knows what I went through. The rest does not matter, he shared. They choose to believe what they choose to believe. He said to me, "Jenny, I was inside your heart. I literally know what is in there! Your heart was damaged but God granted you a miracle and He healed it! That is what you need to share!" So, share I will!

I share this to all who care to read. I share this for those that might need a reminder that God loves you and that He is real. My heart was broken, and now it is healed. God did this for me!

When I was 20 years old and experiencing difficulties with my first pregnancy, I was diagnosed with arrhythmia. For the next 14 years, I was in and out of hospitals and doctors offices trying to find out why it was so bad I would pass out without notice, why it was so bad that I would go into A-Fib and V-Tac. What was causing this?! For two years, I was tired so I stopped going in for tests. All I was ever told was that something was wrong and they (the doctors) could not figure out what it was. Finally, with some gentle pushing, my loved ones convinced me to go in one more time to see a new doctor. My darling nurse friend went with me, explaining from a medical point of view how she had seen me pass out time and time again with no warning. She shared insight I was not even aware my body was doing! That was in early 2013.

Just finished!

In May 2013, I went through my last set of heart tests. I was lead to a heart specialist that told me she would keep digging until she found answers. (Side note: That first time I met her my heart rate was at 53 bpm and my blood pressure was about 84/42. She said I should not have been so conscious and talking. I told her it was the norm for me. Again- God did that! He kept me alive!) In June, our family moved to Utah from Idaho while I was still wearing my 30-day halter monitor. We moved because my husband and I had it confirmed to us through the Holy Ghost that I was going to die and we needed to be near family to help with the kids once I was gone.

Dr. L called me the following week with results. She had sought out a second opinion before she called me. It was... really bad and I needed heart surgery to save my life. I was diagnosed with a CHD- which means I was born with this condition. Wow! I was sent in to another specialist in Salt Lake for a third opinion, in which he agreed. "You should not even be alive," Dr. B told me. "You are at high risk for Sudden Cardiac Death. I cannot believe you have not had a massive heart attack or have dropped dead yet. You need surgery asap." Without it, I would die.

I was put on strict bed rest for the next five weeks. If my heart rate got up to 120, it would kill me. The day before my surgery was scheduled, I woke up to it racing at 110 bpm. For me, that was life-threatening. It would not have taken much more to send me into cardiac arrest.

Several days prior to surgery I started taking a micro-nutrient that actually changes DNA. I had amazing results.

On August 12, 2013 I went in for major heart surgery. That day, friends from all over the world were

My heart family

fasting for me and my doctors, many souls were praying as well. I had been given a priesthood blessing just before I went to the hospital. Hours later, when I finally went under the knife, a miracle had taken place. All of the problems that had been showing up on the tests were almost non-existent. My heart had almost completely been healed. The medical team mapped out my entire heart and was puzzled because it simply... was not there. All of the detailed, life-threatening issues were mostly... gone. I came out of surgery with a minor procedure instead of a major surgery. I was told I am going to be just fine.

Behind closed doors, my doctor and I say "miracle" but on paper, my diagnosis was actually changed. It truly is a miracle!!

I am healthy. I am starting to get my energy back, and I look forward to living out a long, full life. God did this. He granted my family a miracle. There is no other way to explain it. He worked through fasting, prayer, blessings, and proper nutrition to heal my body. This, I can never deny, for if I do, I would be denying the truth of my God. That, I can never do.

With this post comes the end of this blog. My life's journey has just begun and my heart is healthy and happy. I will spend the new year focusing on sharing my story (in depth) along with my music and doing motivational speaking. Thank you for sharing in this journey with me. It has been a thrill. You are lovely and good and oh, so LOVED by God!! May He always keep you in His ever-lasting care.

My name is Jenny McKinney. I am a walking miracle. I am a survivor. Like always.... I really want some chocolate.

A Letter of Thanks

(Written 6/17/2014)

To my Heavenly Father-
Thank You for the beauty of my life. Today, I was able to bring little children into my home and give them so much love. In return, I received a bosom full of joy. As little children are so tender to You, I rejoice that I was able to see them through Your eyes.

Thank You for the home that we call ours, for however long we are here. It may not be a mansion, but it is our palace, as I work hard to make it as such. I am grateful for the creativity I have been blessed with to make it welcoming for all those who enter here.

Thank You for the food we have on our table. We often eat humble meals, but we have more than most in this world. How can I complain?

Thank you for the love that fills our home each day. Our children are healthy and happy. Our marriage is strong. All these things are because we have done as You ask and center our lived around Your Son, Jesus Christ, and put others first whenever possible. This has brought us joy.

Thank You for the friends that surround us. We may not go to parties each week. We may not be able to take lavish vacations with our neighbors, but we know where we can turn if a need arises. We know in whom we can put our trust.

Thank You for helping us find opportunities to serve. Whether it be at church, in our community, or in our home, our hearts grow each time we give of ourselves freely. In this, we can rejoice.

Most of all, for me, thank You for the gift of my life, in which has been spared. You did not just mend my heart, You healed it. Now, I may continue to live life to the fullest and love to my greatest capacity.

Your loving daughter,
Jenny


(Now.... where can I go find some chocolate?)

Family Dynamics (Healing- PART II)

Like many of you, I come from a family with all sorts of dynamics. We have those who have stayed on the straight and narrow, those who have wandered and are still lost, and those who have left the path, been to the depths of hell, and found their way back, only to bask in the joy that comes from making choices pleasing to God. One thing that I have learned these past few months while living with my folks is that our parents (the ones I was born to that raised eight children) love their children. Now, all eight children may not see it, but I know it to be true. Over the past few months, I have seen my parents cry and grieve for the children who are hurting, and express sorrow for their own choices that may have led to the struggles of their children. They have expressed joy for the positive choices made, and have rejoiced when any of their children have accomplished something good, small or grand. Parents do not feel these emotions without love. Maybe not everyone can see it, but they love the best they know how.

When my family (my, the Hubby and kids) transitioned from Idaho to Utah this summer, my parents offered for us to stay with them while we looked for a place to live. This was going to be a very temporary stay, perhaps a month. We came on a Sunday. I had just finished all the tests in Idaho- the Echo, CT Scan, Cardiac MRI, etc. The only test left was to finish wearing the monitor. The week after we got to Utah is when my doctor called me from Idaho to share with me about the heart condition. It was a few days later I found out that I needed surgery. My parents did not hesitate. "Stay with while you go through your surgery and recovery." Even though the Hubby and I knew it would be tough in that small home with 9 people, I knew it would considerably lighten the load for me as the mother. I would not have to worry about who would oversee my children being fed, getting to bed, who would play "Mom" while Mom was down. The time with my parents definitely had some difficult moments (as being with family usually will), but there was great beauty in seeing my children get to know their grandparents. There was joy each day Gramma brought home stamps for Princess B's collection Gramma got her started on. There was definitely love. Even through the moments of me being frustrated with my brother, or my dad being a bit grumpy over me "nearly burning the house down" (It was one time, Dad!) there was love. There were long talks, laughter, silliness, love. They have loved us in the best way they know how.

That love has stayed with my little family as we have settled into our new lives in our new place. Now and again, I will see Princess B (age 6) sniffle a bit. When I ask her what is wrong, with sad, teary eyes, she answers, "I miss Gramma and Grampa." I remind her that isn't it wonderful we were able to spend that time with them while Mommy got better, so now she knows them well enough to miss them? I asked her what she loves about them. "Well, Gramma does bring me treasures (stamps) and she is kind. And Grampa is pretty funny." I then let her know that it is the memories she has made with them that make her love for them so special. It is healing to my heart to see these memories and love for her grandparents take place in the walls of my home.

Healing comes in all forms. Sometimes it is through service, other times it is relishing in the memories made. Right now, for me, it is in knowing that my parents, with their failing health, love me enough to take on a family of six for 4 1/2 months, so my heart can have a chance to be made whole.

My name is Jenny McKinney. My heart is healing and for once, I really do not want any chocolate.

Part III (final part of this series) coming soon!