The Truth Shall Set You Free

It has been a quiet time for me on the computer these past few months as my laptop crashed and I do not get on the family computer for extended periods of time. It is so different from my own computer that I find myself not being as appreciative that we even have a nice computer. That gets my wheels turning, though. How often do we have something decent, lovely, useful, etc. and we do not appreciate it, because it is not what we wanted, nor what we planned on having? How often do we begrudge our life's journey because it is not the direction we planned on taking? How often do we allow ourselves to become bitter towards another, even God, because life has not worked out to our specifications? No more for me! It is the end of a year of Conquering Mountains and now onto a year of Renewed Hope.

Each year, I choose a phrase or word, instead of setting a bunch of New Years Resolutions I will never complete. As 2014 is winding down, and I look back, I see that I truly did Conquer Mountains. I look forward to 2015 with Renewed Hope- hope in my body getting stronger, hope in strengthening friendships and mending relationships, hope in being more proactive in my music, hope in other human beings also trying to do good in this world. The goals I set will be throughout the year with the theme "Renewed Hope" and that theme will be my motivation for becoming better.

Ready to run.... or walk

Back in September, I ran a 5K. I know... I did not write about it here, but lucky you, I will include pictures today. Last night, I had a long, continuous dream about my family spending time with my heart surgeon's family. In this dream, Jared (the first name of my doc) and I had a lengthy conversation about how my progress has been, and how difficult it has been on my emotions that family members do not believe in all I went through. He shared with me some insight that helped me feel peace this morning. He told me that I know what I went through, my husband and children know what I went through, he- my heart surgeon- knows what I went through, but most important, God knows what I went through. The rest does not matter, he shared. They choose to believe what they choose to believe. He said to me, "Jenny, I was inside your heart. I literally know what is in there! Your heart was damaged but God granted you a miracle and He healed it! That is what you need to share!" So, share I will!

I share this to all who care to read. I share this for those that might need a reminder that God loves you and that He is real. My heart was broken, and now it is healed. God did this for me!

When I was 20 years old and experiencing difficulties with my first pregnancy, I was diagnosed with arrhythmia. For the next 14 years, I was in and out of hospitals and doctors offices trying to find out why it was so bad I would pass out without notice, why it was so bad that I would go into A-Fib and V-Tac. What was causing this?! For two years, I was tired so I stopped going in for tests. All I was ever told was that something was wrong and they (the doctors) could not figure out what it was. Finally, with some gentle pushing, my loved ones convinced me to go in one more time to see a new doctor. My darling nurse friend went with me, explaining from a medical point of view how she had seen me pass out time and time again with no warning. She shared insight I was not even aware my body was doing! That was in early 2013.

Just finished!

In May 2013, I went through my last set of heart tests. I was lead to a heart specialist that told me she would keep digging until she found answers. (Side note: That first time I met her my heart rate was at 53 bpm and my blood pressure was about 84/42. She said I should not have been so conscious and talking. I told her it was the norm for me. Again- God did that! He kept me alive!) In June, our family moved to Utah from Idaho while I was still wearing my 30-day halter monitor. We moved because my husband and I had it confirmed to us through the Holy Ghost that I was going to die and we needed to be near family to help with the kids once I was gone.

Dr. L called me the following week with results. She had sought out a second opinion before she called me. It was... really bad and I needed heart surgery to save my life. I was diagnosed with a CHD- which means I was born with this condition. Wow! I was sent in to another specialist in Salt Lake for a third opinion, in which he agreed. "You should not even be alive," Dr. B told me. "You are at high risk for Sudden Cardiac Death. I cannot believe you have not had a massive heart attack or have dropped dead yet. You need surgery asap." Without it, I would die.

I was put on strict bed rest for the next five weeks. If my heart rate got up to 120, it would kill me. The day before my surgery was scheduled, I woke up to it racing at 110 bpm. For me, that was life-threatening. It would not have taken much more to send me into cardiac arrest.

Several days prior to surgery I started taking a micro-nutrient that actually changes DNA. I had amazing results.

On August 12, 2013 I went in for major heart surgery. That day, friends from all over the world were

My heart family

fasting for me and my doctors, many souls were praying as well. I had been given a priesthood blessing just before I went to the hospital. Hours later, when I finally went under the knife, a miracle had taken place. All of the problems that had been showing up on the tests were almost non-existent. My heart had almost completely been healed. The medical team mapped out my entire heart and was puzzled because it simply... was not there. All of the detailed, life-threatening issues were mostly... gone. I came out of surgery with a minor procedure instead of a major surgery. I was told I am going to be just fine.

Behind closed doors, my doctor and I say "miracle" but on paper, my diagnosis was actually changed. It truly is a miracle!!

I am healthy. I am starting to get my energy back, and I look forward to living out a long, full life. God did this. He granted my family a miracle. There is no other way to explain it. He worked through fasting, prayer, blessings, and proper nutrition to heal my body. This, I can never deny, for if I do, I would be denying the truth of my God. That, I can never do.

With this post comes the end of this blog. My life's journey has just begun and my heart is healthy and happy. I will spend the new year focusing on sharing my story (in depth) along with my music and doing motivational speaking. Thank you for sharing in this journey with me. It has been a thrill. You are lovely and good and oh, so LOVED by God!! May He always keep you in His ever-lasting care.

My name is Jenny McKinney. I am a walking miracle. I am a survivor. Like always.... I really want some chocolate.

Two Months of Healing with Love

It is hard to believe that two months ago today I was being pumped full of adrenaline to see if my heart would go into cardiac arrest after my procedure. Two months ago today I was supposed to get an ICD implant, but did not. Two months ago today the doctor told me I would be fine and I would never have to get one. Two months ago today, because of the prayers and fasting of so many of you, my heart is repaired and I am on my way to living a full life, instead of a preparing for a life that was going to be very shortened. I am overwhelmed with gratitude and humbled by the miracle I was granted two months ago today.

In the past little week or two, I have had a bit of nervousness as I began having some dizzy spells again. Although I have not yet asked my doctor about it, I know it is because, according to others, I have been doing what I do best- OVERdoing it! Yes, I have been lovingly reprimanded by loved ones. I know! I am healing! I need to rest! However.....

Tell me, though, dear readers, if I rest all the time, who is going to mother my four children? Who is going to homeschool the younger ones? Who is going to do all the SAHM tasks that need doing if I do not do it? All of you mothers know that moms cannot stay down even when she wants to. I am a mom and I have been taking my responsibilities seriously. I have children and a husband that do their part and even some of my part, but still... I am a mother and there are just some things that only a mother can do. Like kiss the boo-boo's all better. Like spontaneously bake cookies for the kid who needs some serious cheering up. Like putting away that last but of laundry that only mother sees did not make it into the drawers. Like wipe the jelly off the table because no one else feels the stickiness when they put their arms on the table. Like taking them on a field trip to Temple Square for school.

Tell me, who else is going to wake up at 6 am to write the song about a friend who has just died because the music woke you up? Who else is going to email the friend to see how they are doing with a trial only you know about? Who else is going to sit in the ER for three hours with their son for a finger that has been sliced open? Who else is going to help him change the bandages on his finger everyday so it does not get infected? Who else is going to brush the hair of a little girl that only allows Mommy to do it because Mommy can work through the tangles without the pain? Who else is going to reach through the walled up emotions of the autistic child when only Mommy is allowed to hold his hand when he is hurting? Who else is going to do these things?

It may seem to some that I am overdoing it. Perhaps I am. What I see, though, is that I am doing exactly what the Lord has allowed me to do- live my life. I do not seek out these things to do. It just comes with the territory. I am resting as much as I can. Truly, I am healing the best I know how, surrounded by love and goodness. That is all I can do- live with love.


My name is Jenny McKinney. I am two months into my healing process and I seriously want some chocolate.

"I Don't Need No Doctor...."

cel·e·brate

ˈseləˌbrāt

verb

verb: celebrate; 3rd person present: celebrates; gerund or present participle: celebrating; past tense: celebrated; past participle: celebrated

1.

publicly acknowledge (a significant or happy day or event) with a social gathering or enjoyable activity.

 

 

HOORAY!!  Today is the two week mark of having my heart fixed.  Time to celebrate life, right?  Of COURSE.... well.... maybe.  Saturday evening, my hubby and I were at an event for the Utah Music Association.  There were hula lessons (it was a luau) and of course live music.  Since I passed my 10 day mark to "get back to normal" I decided to do it in style!  I did a really fun dance called the "Hookie Lau" with my lady friends.  It was exhilarating getting back into the swing of things!  I have not been able to do that much movement with my body for quite some time.  Later in the evening, there was a live band so of course I grabbed a couple of my girlfriends and..... danced even more.  The first words to the first song are, "I don't need no doctor..." Does that hit the mark or what??  Oh, to be ALIVE again!!  Oh to CELEBRATE LIFE!!! 

It was exactly what I needed to feel restored..... until yesterday. 
I woke up and thought I would be fine.  As the day wore on, I began to have so much pain in the veins the procedure was done in, that I thought I was going to have permanent nerve damage.  After attending church, taking pain reliever during that time, then having a long nap after church, I still was not doing any better.  It took a long night of dreaming about all kinds of people dying almost constantly to wake up feeling better.  (Ironic, huh?)  Today, my points of entry feel better but my emotions from the crazy dreams do not!!

Lesson learned:  If we take a chance at something worth risking we may have regrets, but we will have even more if we do not.  I am grateful I made those memories.  For that, I have no regrets.

My name is Jenny McKinney and I may not need no doctor but I sure do need a bit more rest.... and chocolate!!

A Bruised, Nervous and Wondrous Heart

Truth # 1: From Day One, I said I would be honest about this road.  Here is the truth: I am still nervous.  I wake up every morning and check my heart rate.  It is a steady beep... beep... beep.... unlike before where it was skipping beats, or there were too many at once, or, or, or.  However, after living with this for half of my life, if not longer, it is hard to just let go and not be a little concerned.  The "what if's" still run through my mind.  As much as I trust in my God and in the amazing doctors I have, I am still human.  In November, I knew I was going to die within a couple of years.  Even if I had gotten the implant, there was still a chance my heart would give out.  Now it is fixed?  Just like that?  It just all feels so.... surreal.

Truth #2: My heart hurts.  Now, I realize that just three days ago, the doctors were actually inside my heart, so of course it is going to feel bruised.  Like I said before, though, I am not a very patient person.  I am a "get up and go" kind of person, so being down for a third day in a row, when my heart has been fixed and I know soon I will have energy again, is a bit of a challenge for me.  I can feel the arteries they went through.  My neck is sore and I can feel the route that the docs took to get to my heart.  I can feel the route part way up my abdomen where they went through my groin.  There is nothing to worry about, but I am a big wimp and I hate being bruised- especially inside.  It is a weird feeling and when I feel the bruising, I feel a bit nervous.  That is when the what if's start again.  Then I have to stop and remember that I had a miracle.  My heart truly is fixed.  I really am ok. 

Truth #3:  I am in awe.  I have been researching what a heart cath looks like and what the ablation looks like and I am in awe.  It is astounding to me that without any incision, with two entry points not much bigger than an IV, the team of amazing medical professionals were able to send a camera (cath) to my heart to look inside of it, then send another device to fix it! 


Although I have always been a fan of treating ourselves naturally- and I still am- I do believe there is a time and place for modern medicine.  I am grateful that at this time and place in my life, modern medicine saved me.  I will let my nervousness go because my heart is whole again.  Now I can hold hands with my sweetheart for many more years to come.  Now I can see my children raised. Now I can write more music and share the music I already have been blessed with.  Now I can make the world a better place for a longer period of time by sharing my light.

Oh heart, my heart, how I love to feel you beat.
My name is Jenny McKinney.  I am in awe of our miraculous ability of our bodies to heal and I really want some chocolate.