Liar, Liar- are Your Pants on Fire?

Are you the kind of person that sees a miracle for what it is or are you one who only believes if it is convenient for you?  I am in the first category.  I have seen too many to deny them, whether they are my own or belong to someone else.

I am writing this post for a few reasons. 
1- I want you to know that I still have very real struggles in my life.
2- So people will realize what happened to me was not a life-fixer, but a life-saver
3- To help you see to not waste your time on the people who create toxicity in your life.  Celebrate life with those who support you, believe you (and the doctors) and believe in you.  It is they that truly matter.

The heart struggles are still very real in that it has only been 10 days since the doctors saved my life.  I am still sore.  I am still bruised.  I am still tired.  Everyday, I get better and better and I know one day, I will be completely whole again.  I look forward to that day.  I look forward to everyday, for that matter. 

You have heard my heart story, but there is more to it.  Without going into great detail, I will say this past week, I was accused of making up my heart condition.  The accusation came from someone I used to be very close to, but due circumstances in our late teens, that tie had to be broken.  We only recently made contact again and have worked on mending our relationship.  Now, I have chosen to severe those ties again.  This is not because I cannot forgive.  It is because I will not stand to be called a liar.  Because I was heart healthy in my youth, it was assumed I always have been.  Obviously this is not true.  ARVD is real.  I had it.  I could show all the medical records and hospital bills from the past 16 years, but really, what good will that do when I am not believed anyway? 


It reminds me of stories in the scriptures when people asked Jesus to prove He was God.  They would take the attitude of, "Prove it to me and I will believe you."  That is not faith, folks.  You might as well say He is a liar.  He knows who He is and if someone chooses to not believe Him, that is their problem and not His.  This is how I feel.  I cannot make everyone believe that I am truthful in my story, but I am.  I have a dozen or more doctors and hundreds of people who have witnessed the heart struggles I've had- the arrhythmia, the dizzy spells, the passing out.  I was told from early on not to have children, or I could die, although the docs did not know exactly why.  Now we do.  Do you want to be the one to convince my children that their mom has faked her illness their whole lives?  I did not think so. 

I speak the truth.  My heart was broken.  Now it is fixed.  What the doctors were able to do (combined with the other two factors- I call it the Triple Threat)  did not fix my life, but it definitely saved it.  I still have financial struggles with my hubby.  I still have a boy with Asperger's and ADHD.  I still have a little girl who desperately wants her own room again.  I still am living with family and not yet in our own home.  I still have bills to pay.  I still have people who do not like me.  I still make mistakes.  But.... my heart does not skip beats all day long.  I no longer pass out.  I am able to drive again.  I am able to exercise again.  My heart can race and I will not die from it. 

Dr. B and his team saved me.  I. Am. Alive. 

It is all right to let go of those who only bring you down.  You are not here to please them.  You are here to reach your divine potential.  So celebrate!  Go out and find a friend that lifts you up and helps you laugh!  Sing while in the shower!  Dance in the rain with your kids!  Fill your life with joy, happiness and light!!  Those who can bring these feelings into your life are the ones you want to continue on with.  Keep smiling and always remember who you are. 

I took several pictures tonight- ones that would prove I actually did get a series of tests ran (again) and as a result of the findings I did end up getting a heart procedure in the hospital.  I wanted to "prove" something in the off chance that the non-believers read this entry.  I have decided, however, that it will do no good.  It is a battle I choose to not fight.  My life is fully blessed with people who love me, enrich my soul and most of all.... who believe me.  For me, that is enough. 

My name is Jenny McKinney.  My pants are not on fire and I really want some chocolate.

"Nothing You Could Have Done..."

As I prepare to undergo some "procedures" (really, can we just say surgery, since both procedures require going under the knife??) my human nature is feeling a bit unsettled because.... well, it's surgery!  The very word makes me nauseous.

Through all the nausea, I have had wonderful friends emailing me love notes.  Some have shared ideas ideas on how to increase my energy before the surgeries, or making lifestyle changes through nutrition, exercise, etc.  Some are just a quick "thinking of you" or "praying for you" sentiments.  I am so grateful to each and every one of the friends and family who write and call to check on me.  It is giving me strength to face what lies ahead. 

Note: I am a big fan of natural healing.  I believe that modern day medicine has a time and place, but I have not always gone to the docs for the flu, or taken my kid in for swollen tonsils or a fever, etc. because I do know how to care for many symptoms at home, naturally.  I spent years as an independent distributor for one of the foremost nutritional companies out there and still firmly believe in their products.  I received a great education from them and learned much about how the body works.  Much of what we consume leads to the outcome of our health.  Although I enjoy my goodies, I do strive to eat in a healthy way.

Lately, as I have been pondering when I noticed my heart going from bad to worse, I have stopped and wondered, "What could I have done differently to have prevented my heart from enlarging?  From not functioning properly?  From getting ARVD?  What could I have done differently?"

I have wondered if I took more of my nutritional supplements or not done certain exercises or ate different foods or, or, or...

As I really, truly have gone over choices I have made in my life, according to the timetable of when I felt my heart declining, I firmly believe my specialist when he told me, "There is nothing you could have done to change this."  I understand how genetics work enough to know there are good and bad genes.  This happens to be a bad gene.  The damage was done a long time ago, even though I was taking in the proper nutrition into my body.  I stress that last part, because I need to remind myself, almost to the point of haunting my thoughts with those words, there is nothing I could have done differently.  This is a challenge that I have to face in my life, and I will do so with peace in my.... well, heart.... and all the bravery I can muster.  God will see me through.

There has been so much fasting and prayer into the decisions that have been made to undergo these surgeries.  I have looked at all the options- both natural and medically speaking- and I have had it confirmed to me through answers to those prayers that I must do everything I can to live my life the longest I can.  Without the surgeries, my lifespan could be drastically shortened.

I will work hard over the next several days to make healthy choices and gain as much strength as I can in preparation for the procedures.  I will do all I can to be more aware of my overall health habits in general from here on out.  I will go to bed tonight and wake up tomorrow, knowing that when all is said and done, there is nothing I could have done to change this genetic mutation.  The damage has been done.  Now, we just repair it the best to our (mine and the docs) abilities, be it through surgeries, rest and awareness, then move forward with an eye grateful to God for all the resources that have been a blessing in my life. 

My name is Jenny McKinney, I really want some chocolate and there is nothing you nor I could do to change that.  (Hehe)