It Takes Time

"It takes time to recuperate."  This is a phrase I have been reminded of daily for the past week.  Today marks the one week anniversary of my procedure.  I truly thought I would be more recovered by now.  Yesterday, I made dinner for my family.  Today, I went shopping for about three hours and.... it just about did me in.  My heart has been racing and just an hour ago it was racing so badly I would have been dead, had I not gotten the procedure done.  A little concerned, I began doing research on post-ablation symptoms.  Once again, I have learned something new.

First, I read the list of risks in getting the procedure done.  Of course, the risk was much greater had I not (as in cardiac arrest) but let's say I am grateful that I did not read the list prior to going in.  Here is what I read:

Catheter ablation is considered safe.

It has some serious risks, but they are rare. They include:

• Stroke.
• Heart attack.
• Puncture of the heart.
• Need for emergency heart surgery.
• Problems with the pulmonary vein.
• A leaking blood vessel.
• Nerve damage that causes paralysis of the diaphragm.
• Pericarditis.
• Cardiac tamponade.
• Atrio-esophageal fistula. In this life-threatening condition, a hole forms between the heart's upper chamber and the esophagus.
• Bleeding.
• New heart rhythm problems.
• Death (very rare). 

WOWZAH!!  See why I am grateful I did not read it first?  Oy!!  Talk about scary.  I always laugh when they say "death" then add that is is very rare.  Hehe.  Well, good to know I only might die!! 

(It kind of reminds me when I have volunteered at the prisons in Boise, ID the past three years with my women's choir.  With the paperwork we sign, it has a list of guidelines.  The first is something along the lines of: I understand that by going into the prison, I am putting myself at risk for injury or being held hostage.  Haha!  No worries there!)

Back to what I have learned.  It is very normal, actually, to still feel like you are going into tachycardia, then it mellows off after a few minutes.  This is as a result of the adrenaline that was pumped into my body while I was under anesthesia.  My body is just trying to work it out of my system.  Weakness and pain around the heart is normal as well.  "Jenny!  They were inside your heart, burning it!  Of course it is going to hurt!"  This is what I have to keep reminding myself.... or my mother and hubby will.  Haha!  I just want to be 100% again.  I want it to be two months from now where my heart is back to  finally working how it should.  Patience.  I just need patience.  Haha!!  It takes time and I have time, so I will take it. 

The best advice I read from one person who has been through this is, "completely normal - your heart's been through trauma and it may take some time to heal - some of us depending on what was done; can take up to 6 months for it to completely heal and the full effects of an ablation to work
take it easy and let yourself heal and try not to be too anxious"

Oh.... take it easy??  Let myself heal?  Sigh.  All right.  I guess I will. 

My name is Jenny and I will heal.  I really do not want any chocolate..... because I just had some. 

This was taken the week of my diagnosis in June.  I had to wear a lot of makeup to even feel confident because I was so ill.  Notice the sallow look to my skin.

This was taken today. I have a new hair style, I feel confident wearing a lot less makeup and I am able to even keep my eyes open in the sun because I am feeling so much better!  Good health, here I come!  (By the way, that is my cute boy- age 14- in the background.)

The Miracle of my Heart- Part II

The Procedure Hours
As I was wheeled into the lab (reminder: the OR for the heart and lung unit), they gave me a nice warm blankey to cover myself up as I was transferred onto the operating table.  Ah, so toasty!  Introductions were made all around.  What a nice team they were!  After I told them my daughter's instructions and they said they planned on fixing my heart the best they could, the anesthesiologist said,  "All right, I have just given you some happy juice.  Some people do not like how it makes them feel."  I replied that I didn't either.  I did not even get to count backwards from 10, because I was out so fast.  The next memory I have, I was waking up in recovery- 3 1/2 hours later!

I love when I am entertaining to others and have no recollection of it myself.  My husband, children, and closest friends refer to this behavior as the "after 10 drunkness."  My mother was witness to this behavior, as well as the medical team, as I was coming out of my unconscious state, totally loopy from the drugs that had me knocked out.  "Whooooo are youuuuu??" I asked the nurse.  Apparently Nurse Brandi introduced herself to me 3 times before I finally remembered we had met already.  The same went for the others in the room.  I would ask a question, then doze off.  Ask a question, then doze off, keeping everyone in stitches while doing so.  Some of the other question consisted of, "Where... where am I?" and "What is going on here?"  Ah... I love not remembering.  I even called my hubby and sister to let them know everything went well... and later had to be told I talked to them, because I did not remember.

The Best News EVER
I am sure it was a bit nerve racking for my mom to be the one to take in all the news from Dr. B, since I was a bit.... incoherent.  She was told everything went really well and they did not put in the ICD.  When she asked if I would be coming back later in the week to get it, she was told the best news ever: It looked like I will never need it!!  Say what??  Here is what was explained to me over the next few hours. 

This Never Happens
When the camera was placed in my heart, the med team quickly learned that it is not as enlarged as they thought it was originally.  I was given the medicine to make my heart act up in order to find the circuit(s) causing the problem.  Even if they were to find the circuit and ablate it, my condition was bad enough I needed the ICD to live!  What happened was they immediately were able to find the circuit causing the arrhythmia.  "This never happens," is what the nurse explained to me.  She said usually when they get in there, the heart decides to behave and it takes several tries to find the correct circuit.  This was not the case for me.  They fixed the problem by cauterizing the end of the circuit, ultimately making little scars on my heart in order to create a new electrical flow.  My heart began to beat normally, evenly, for the first time in my entire adult life.  After it was stable, they gave me more meds, trying to cause it to react to negative situation that could occur in the future- arrhythmia, cardiac arrest, etc.  The great news?  My heart kept beating steadily and never responded to the drugs.  The problem was fixed!!  Once it was fixed, it was determined I would never have to have the ICD and the ARVD is simply..... gone!  I do not have it anymore!  (Now what will I blog about?)  I will no longer have the dizzy spells, the fatigue, the passing out!  After more than 16 years, my heart will not fight me everyday.  It also looks as if my children will not inherit the condition after all!!  Say what?  Could that be because in the two short weeks my genes had changed enough that they were no longer convinced this was a genetic mutation?  I do not know (and whether or not you agree) but I believe those products certainly could have had something to do with that conclusion.

So Now What?
In three weeks, I go in for a check up.  As I said before, for the first time in my adult life (I was diagnosed with arrhythmia at age 20. I am now 36) my heart is working properly.  Beep... beep... beep... said the steady beeps on the monitor as I looked at it after the procedure.  At last!  Before I went in, my heart rate could not even stay above 60 bpm.  It was even dropping into the 40's.  After, it was a steady 78 bpm.  Hallelujah!!  I am having to take it really easy for 3-4 days with no lifting more than a jug of milk, only stepping up with my left leg first, walking around for 5-10 min at a time, but mostly staying down or sitting at a angle in which I am not bending at the hip.  In a week, I will be able to start doing normal things again.  What is normal?  Driving (I have not done this for months), taking walks with my kids, sitting and playing a card game from start to finish, without passing out in the middle of it etc.  In 2 months, my heart will be working 100% perfectly, after it has time to adjust to the changes.  I might feel a flutter here and there, but that is because it is adjusting to the new circuit flow and rhythm.

Yesterday morning, my hubby said I already looked healthier.  What a GREAT compliment!  For the first time in my children's lives, their mommy will be healthy and strong.  How can we not rejoice?

I firmly believe that I am to use this experience to help others learn about this life-threatening condition.  Some of the blessings (besides the ones I have already told you about just now) are that I have made new friends along the way and strengthened already existing friendships.  I have seen the smiles on the faces of my loved ones as they have learned that I no longer am at high risk for sudden cardiac death.  I have felt Heaven's blessings pour abundantly on us as we have been loved through this very difficult time in our lives.  My heart is healthy.  My heart beats strong.  How can I deny that this is a Divine outcome?

I had an amazing team of doctors and nurses.  For them, I will be forever grateful.  I went into the surgery lab with my doctor planning on giving me a permanent device to keep me alive.  I came out without one, and my heart was fixed for good. "This never happens, Jenny."  Well, it did and in my book, that is a miracle!

My name is Jenny McKinney.  My heart is miraculous and you bet I really want some chocolate!

 

In the Lord's Hands

I woke up at precisely a quarter after 5 this morning and am grateful I did.  (I just typed that in my best British accent, by the way.  Now I am thinking in a British accent.)  I have to fast for 6 hours prior to my surgery, which means I could not eat past 5:30 am.  Not wanting to wake anyone by fixing a large breakfast, I grabbed a cup of yogurt and a spoon and headed to eat while ..... in the privy.  (Yep, still British.  I am a huge Jane Austen and BBC fan, you know.)  I ate, finished my business, then after washing my hands, brushed my teeth so I was not tempted to eat the remainder of the morning.  Here we are, 30 minutes later and I am starving!!  The good news is there is only now 5 1/2 hours until I prep for surgery. Bravo!

(Back to my regular, western tone, folks.) As nervous as I am about having... gulp... surgical equipment taken to my body today and later this week, deep down, I am relieved.  For 16 years I have struggled with the fainting, the dizziness, the irregular rhythms.  I realize that everything will not be perfect after the surgeries, but they will be much better than they have been.  For that, I am most grateful.

Late last night, I had a long conversation with one of my very dearest friends.  She reminded me of a conversation we had several months back about the state of my health.  She told me, "Jenny, you said that if this doctor (Dr. L in Idaho) could not give you answers, you would be done with doctors.  You got answers and now something is being done.  Obviously the Lord is not done with you yet."  This brings great comfort to my heart (no pun intended... ok, maybe a little bit).  Who am I to argue when the Lord is done with me? 

Now today, I will put my heart in the hands of the doctors who are being the hands of the Lord.  I know they will be guided in searching for the misbehaving circuits to fix and that will be as it is supposed to.  Whatever happens, I fully trust in their care and capabilities.  I know they will be guided and that my heart will be better because of their expertise and training.  All will be well, because God is at the wheel.

My name is Jenny McKinney.  My heart begins to change today and to celebrate I really want some chocolate (but since I am fasting, I won't have any.)  Cheerio!

A Little Poem....

Three more days and my heart starts changing
Not sure how I feel about it being changed
I know I need this done but I'm nervous
Will I ever be the same again

My heart has loved and my heart's been broken
A time or two in my life
Perhaps now it will be mended
So I can focus on being a mother and wife

I put my trust in the God that adores me
Now the doctors will be His hands
My trust extends to those that will help me
I will have faith my heart will work again

My name is Jenny McKinney. I'm a bit nervous and I really want some chocolate.

"Nothing You Could Have Done..."

As I prepare to undergo some "procedures" (really, can we just say surgery, since both procedures require going under the knife??) my human nature is feeling a bit unsettled because.... well, it's surgery!  The very word makes me nauseous.

Through all the nausea, I have had wonderful friends emailing me love notes.  Some have shared ideas ideas on how to increase my energy before the surgeries, or making lifestyle changes through nutrition, exercise, etc.  Some are just a quick "thinking of you" or "praying for you" sentiments.  I am so grateful to each and every one of the friends and family who write and call to check on me.  It is giving me strength to face what lies ahead. 

Note: I am a big fan of natural healing.  I believe that modern day medicine has a time and place, but I have not always gone to the docs for the flu, or taken my kid in for swollen tonsils or a fever, etc. because I do know how to care for many symptoms at home, naturally.  I spent years as an independent distributor for one of the foremost nutritional companies out there and still firmly believe in their products.  I received a great education from them and learned much about how the body works.  Much of what we consume leads to the outcome of our health.  Although I enjoy my goodies, I do strive to eat in a healthy way.

Lately, as I have been pondering when I noticed my heart going from bad to worse, I have stopped and wondered, "What could I have done differently to have prevented my heart from enlarging?  From not functioning properly?  From getting ARVD?  What could I have done differently?"

I have wondered if I took more of my nutritional supplements or not done certain exercises or ate different foods or, or, or...

As I really, truly have gone over choices I have made in my life, according to the timetable of when I felt my heart declining, I firmly believe my specialist when he told me, "There is nothing you could have done to change this."  I understand how genetics work enough to know there are good and bad genes.  This happens to be a bad gene.  The damage was done a long time ago, even though I was taking in the proper nutrition into my body.  I stress that last part, because I need to remind myself, almost to the point of haunting my thoughts with those words, there is nothing I could have done differently.  This is a challenge that I have to face in my life, and I will do so with peace in my.... well, heart.... and all the bravery I can muster.  God will see me through.

There has been so much fasting and prayer into the decisions that have been made to undergo these surgeries.  I have looked at all the options- both natural and medically speaking- and I have had it confirmed to me through answers to those prayers that I must do everything I can to live my life the longest I can.  Without the surgeries, my lifespan could be drastically shortened.

I will work hard over the next several days to make healthy choices and gain as much strength as I can in preparation for the procedures.  I will do all I can to be more aware of my overall health habits in general from here on out.  I will go to bed tonight and wake up tomorrow, knowing that when all is said and done, there is nothing I could have done to change this genetic mutation.  The damage has been done.  Now, we just repair it the best to our (mine and the docs) abilities, be it through surgeries, rest and awareness, then move forward with an eye grateful to God for all the resources that have been a blessing in my life. 

My name is Jenny McKinney, I really want some chocolate and there is nothing you nor I could do to change that.  (Hehe)