A Bruised, Nervous and Wondrous Heart

Truth # 1: From Day One, I said I would be honest about this road.  Here is the truth: I am still nervous.  I wake up every morning and check my heart rate.  It is a steady beep... beep... beep.... unlike before where it was skipping beats, or there were too many at once, or, or, or.  However, after living with this for half of my life, if not longer, it is hard to just let go and not be a little concerned.  The "what if's" still run through my mind.  As much as I trust in my God and in the amazing doctors I have, I am still human.  In November, I knew I was going to die within a couple of years.  Even if I had gotten the implant, there was still a chance my heart would give out.  Now it is fixed?  Just like that?  It just all feels so.... surreal.

Truth #2: My heart hurts.  Now, I realize that just three days ago, the doctors were actually inside my heart, so of course it is going to feel bruised.  Like I said before, though, I am not a very patient person.  I am a "get up and go" kind of person, so being down for a third day in a row, when my heart has been fixed and I know soon I will have energy again, is a bit of a challenge for me.  I can feel the arteries they went through.  My neck is sore and I can feel the route that the docs took to get to my heart.  I can feel the route part way up my abdomen where they went through my groin.  There is nothing to worry about, but I am a big wimp and I hate being bruised- especially inside.  It is a weird feeling and when I feel the bruising, I feel a bit nervous.  That is when the what if's start again.  Then I have to stop and remember that I had a miracle.  My heart truly is fixed.  I really am ok. 

Truth #3:  I am in awe.  I have been researching what a heart cath looks like and what the ablation looks like and I am in awe.  It is astounding to me that without any incision, with two entry points not much bigger than an IV, the team of amazing medical professionals were able to send a camera (cath) to my heart to look inside of it, then send another device to fix it! 


Although I have always been a fan of treating ourselves naturally- and I still am- I do believe there is a time and place for modern medicine.  I am grateful that at this time and place in my life, modern medicine saved me.  I will let my nervousness go because my heart is whole again.  Now I can hold hands with my sweetheart for many more years to come.  Now I can see my children raised. Now I can write more music and share the music I already have been blessed with.  Now I can make the world a better place for a longer period of time by sharing my light.

Oh heart, my heart, how I love to feel you beat.
My name is Jenny McKinney.  I am in awe of our miraculous ability of our bodies to heal and I really want some chocolate.