The Blessings of Receiving

It is interesting to see the work of the Lord in my life right now.  There are times where I am on the receiving end of service, but more often, I am on the giving end of it all.  So often of late, I feel like I am on the receiving end and only that.  It seems to go against my very nature.  I think the Lord wants me to learn humility.  Again.  This seemingly constant inner struggle of being a receiver has led me to really start counting my blessings.  When we count our blessings and express gratitude, we draw closer to God.  We speak in one of His greatest love languages.  After recent conversations with friends, and counting kindnesses that I have been blessed with, I see this is how it must be.  For the first time in many years, I really need to learn how to take care of me.  My auntie once told me that to deny others the opportunity to serve us is to deny them blessings.  How can I deny blessings to others?  How can I not feel blessed to be on this receiving end at this time in my life?  I will rest.  I will be open and accepting of the kindness of others.  I will be grateful.

Through this journey to healing my heart, I am making new friends and bonding deeply with ones I was already blessed to have in my life.  Some of these friends have done things that have touched me deeply, like changing their Facebook profile pictures to match my own heart one, asking for prayers on my behalf, and just sending notes of love and encouragement.  I am so humbled and grateful for those acts of kindness.  My new friend, Lindsey, has this same, rare condition and she has been offering me wonderful insight and understanding through this difficult time.  For this, I am grateful.  Yesterday, she wrote to me, "I can't say for sure if you'll be okay, but you are in my prayers. I ask that you first and foremost receive peace, that God's work be done in your life, and that He heal your heart."  God's work is certainly being done in my life, of nothing more than reminding me of how I must be more humble, more accepting, more grateful.

This Monday, I go in for the first of two procedures.  To some, it may seem routine.  To me, it is not.  I am nervous, but I am not scared for the Lord has my heart in His hands.  I know many are praying on my behalf, for which I am grateful.  For those that would like to join my husband and I, we will also be holding a special fast that day as well, that the doctors hands will be guided this week, that the Lord will do His wonders among us, and that the breaks of this heart will be mended. Like my friend Lindsey so kindly expressed, I do not know if I will be okay, but I know God's work will be done in my life.

My name is Jenny McKinney and my heart is in God's hands. Oh, and I really want some chocolate.