"Nothing You Could Have Done..."

As I prepare to undergo some "procedures" (really, can we just say surgery, since both procedures require going under the knife??) my human nature is feeling a bit unsettled because.... well, it's surgery!  The very word makes me nauseous.

Through all the nausea, I have had wonderful friends emailing me love notes.  Some have shared ideas ideas on how to increase my energy before the surgeries, or making lifestyle changes through nutrition, exercise, etc.  Some are just a quick "thinking of you" or "praying for you" sentiments.  I am so grateful to each and every one of the friends and family who write and call to check on me.  It is giving me strength to face what lies ahead. 

Note: I am a big fan of natural healing.  I believe that modern day medicine has a time and place, but I have not always gone to the docs for the flu, or taken my kid in for swollen tonsils or a fever, etc. because I do know how to care for many symptoms at home, naturally.  I spent years as an independent distributor for one of the foremost nutritional companies out there and still firmly believe in their products.  I received a great education from them and learned much about how the body works.  Much of what we consume leads to the outcome of our health.  Although I enjoy my goodies, I do strive to eat in a healthy way.

Lately, as I have been pondering when I noticed my heart going from bad to worse, I have stopped and wondered, "What could I have done differently to have prevented my heart from enlarging?  From not functioning properly?  From getting ARVD?  What could I have done differently?"

I have wondered if I took more of my nutritional supplements or not done certain exercises or ate different foods or, or, or...

As I really, truly have gone over choices I have made in my life, according to the timetable of when I felt my heart declining, I firmly believe my specialist when he told me, "There is nothing you could have done to change this."  I understand how genetics work enough to know there are good and bad genes.  This happens to be a bad gene.  The damage was done a long time ago, even though I was taking in the proper nutrition into my body.  I stress that last part, because I need to remind myself, almost to the point of haunting my thoughts with those words, there is nothing I could have done differently.  This is a challenge that I have to face in my life, and I will do so with peace in my.... well, heart.... and all the bravery I can muster.  God will see me through.

There has been so much fasting and prayer into the decisions that have been made to undergo these surgeries.  I have looked at all the options- both natural and medically speaking- and I have had it confirmed to me through answers to those prayers that I must do everything I can to live my life the longest I can.  Without the surgeries, my lifespan could be drastically shortened.

I will work hard over the next several days to make healthy choices and gain as much strength as I can in preparation for the procedures.  I will do all I can to be more aware of my overall health habits in general from here on out.  I will go to bed tonight and wake up tomorrow, knowing that when all is said and done, there is nothing I could have done to change this genetic mutation.  The damage has been done.  Now, we just repair it the best to our (mine and the docs) abilities, be it through surgeries, rest and awareness, then move forward with an eye grateful to God for all the resources that have been a blessing in my life. 

My name is Jenny McKinney, I really want some chocolate and there is nothing you nor I could do to change that.  (Hehe)