The Art of Being Tired

Restless night.... again.  Nap... again.  This is pretty much becoming routine in my journey to healing my heart.  That is why I have not blogged in several days.  I have many, many thoughts I want to share, but I am so tired, that they will not come together for the purpose of making sense.  It must be an art form of some kind to be this exhausted. I am grateful my family allows me to rest when I need it. I look forward to the new part of my heart I will be getting in a few weeks, if only for the sake of having a bit of energy again.  The truth is, ARVD wears you out.  My heart does not pump blood regularly, doesn't beat like it should and there is an electrical storm going on that wears me out.  The positive side to all of this is that I get to read a lot.... well, when I am not too tired to hold a book.  I recently read Paul Cardall's book (his music is AMAZING!) about his experience in awaiting a heart transplant.  He had to rest- a lot.  Although I have not talked to my friend, Dee, about her recent transplant, I imagine she had to do the same.  What do you do when you are so tired?  I am usually a go, go, go kind of person so this is a serious struggle for me.  I do a lot of thinking, reflecting, meditating, "Little House" watching, and one of these days, journaling, when holding a pen is not so tiring.

I am not complaining. Truly.  I am just being..... real.... open.... honest.  (Today, someone told me the honesty is refreshing.) I look forward to the day when I can sit at a piano for hours again, romp around with my kids again, spend a lengthy day having a bake-a-thon with my kids, then taking goodies to hand out to neighbors.  I am grateful and relieved that after 16 years, we finally have an answer and a solution in keeping me around longer.  God willing, for years to come.  For now, I will rest when I am tired.

Now, I realize that what I am dealing with does not compare to other heart stories or situations, but it is very real to me and very much serious enough that I have to stop and pay attention to what my body tells me. There are many situations.  None is more or less important than the other.  ARVD happens to be mine.

My name is Jenny McKinney.  I am tired and you have no idea how badly I really want some chocolate.



Please enjoy this video of a song written by Paul Cardall.  It suits my mood today.